Just Fucking Use Ploi

Oh, you're managing servers yourself?

How cute. It's 3 AM. Your server just crashed. You're SSH-ing into a box you set up 2 years ago, googling "nginx 502 bad gateway" for the 47th time in your career, and wondering why you didn't become a dentist like your mother suggested.

Meanwhile, Ploi users are sleeping. Because their shit just works.

"I'll just set up my own server, it's not that hard"

Sure. Install Ubuntu. Configure nginx. Set up PHP-FPM. Configure MySQL. Set proper permissions. Add SSH keys. Set up a firewall. Configure fail2ban. Install Composer. Set up SSL certificates. Configure cron jobs. Set up log rotation. Configure OPcache. Set up Redis. Configure supervisor. Set up proper backups. Configure...

Or — and hear me out — click one fucking button on Ploi and go touch grass.

"But I need to understand my infrastructure!"

No. You don't. You need to ship your goddamn product. Your startup doesn't need a 10-page runbook for deploying a Laravel app. It needs customers. Revenue. An actual business.

You know what investors love? "We spent 3 months setting up our perfect DevOps pipeline." Said no successful founder ever.

"Kubernetes is the future!"

Your blog with 47 monthly visitors doesn't need Kubernetes. Your SaaS with 12 users doesn't need a service mesh. Your portfolio site doesn't need auto-scaling across 3 availability zones.

You know what you need? A $5 VPS and Ploi. That's literally it. Stop overengineering everything. You're not Netflix. You're not even Blockbuster.

"I use Docker Compose for everything!"

Great. So when something breaks, you get to debug two layers of abstraction instead of one. Your containers are talking to each other through a bridge network you don't understand, your volumes are mounted in some godforsaken location, and you're running docker logs -f like it owes you money.

Ploi just... deploys your app. To a real server. That you can actually understand. Revolutionary, I know.

"What about [insert competitor]?"

Cool, pay more for the same thing. Or deal with a UI that looks like it was designed in 2015. Or enjoy waiting 3 business days for support. Your choice.

Ploi is €8/month. Eight. Euros. That's like two overpriced coffees. You spend more on Spotify and you haven't discovered new music since 2019.

"I'm a real developer, I don't need a GUI"

Wow, very impressive. You can type vim /etc/nginx/sites-available/mysite from memory. Want a medal? A cookie? A mass grave for all the hours you've wasted?

Real developers use tools that make them faster. That's literally the point of tools. You're not impressing anyone by doing things the hard way. This isn't a CrossFit gym.

"But what if Ploi goes down?"

Your servers are still your servers. Ploi manages them, it doesn't hold them hostage. If we vanish tomorrow (we won't), your VPS keeps running. You can still SSH in. Your app is still there. It's not a black box.

Unlike that custom bash script deployment system you wrote at 2 AM that only you understand. Good luck when you get hit by a bus.

Here's what Ploi actually does:

• One-click server provisioning — DigitalOcean, Hetzner, AWS, whatever. Just click.
• Zero-downtime deployments — Push to git. That's it. That's the deployment.
• Free SSL certificates — Let's Encrypt, one click. No more certbot bullshit.
• Database backups — Automated. To S3. While you sleep.
• Team management — So Dave from marketing can't rm -rf production.
• Server monitoring — Know when things break before your users tweet about it.
• Load balancing — For when you actually do become Netflix.